I have been reading recommendations that say it is not appropriate to compliment little girls on how pretty they are. I do it all the time. “Oh, you are so pretty.” We don’t say that to young boys. We might say they are cute, but we mean cute as children are “cute.”  We should say they are smart or compliment their behavior.

We do not want to raise a generation of girls who feel valued only by their looks. 

Being a pretty girl is not what you all might think. At my advanced age, I can look back and realize I was one of those “pretty girls.” And what’s wrong with that? First, I want to be seen and recognized for my brain as a woman. You know those dumb blonde jokes? Yeah, those are about pretty girls. In later years, I found that being pretty was not necessarily beneficial. 

When I was going through the trauma of adolescence, and I had issues with my friends, my stepfather would say, “Oh, they don’t like you because you are so pretty.” This comment was not helpful, and I think I still have PTSD over that one.

For many years, I was introduced to men’s wives as their high school girlfriend when attending class reunions. This was always a surprise to me. Finally, many years later, at a reunion, these men mentioned that I really wasn’t their high school girlfriend. Well, that’s because you never asked me. The answer was always, “you were so pretty I didn’t have the nerve to ask you out.”  Gee thanks.

Throughout my life, in business environments, I saw women do the equivalent of dumbing down. They dressed so as not to draw attention to their looks. Later, it became amusing when I proved myself competent and intelligent, and folks acted surprised. I often wish I had learned that lesson earlier. My experience is that I was often underestimated, whether it was by college professors or sales managers.

Now I find a benefit to being older. As an older woman, I am no longer judged by my looks. And I find that to be a good thing.

Now, go tell that little girl she is smart, dances well, sings well, or is just a worthy person.

But do not let her worth be related to being pretty.