Archives – 2015 from Not Your Grandmother’s 70… I Took A Walk On The Beach To Find My Purpose And Guess What Happened?
I have been reminiscing over past posts, and this one still rings true. It is amazing how life repeats itself.
Here we go:
Today I took a walk on the beach, hoping to find a solution to a problem I had been wrestling with. I found an answer, but it was not what I expected. And the result is a lesson that might just apply to other situations.
I am working on a project and struggled with the structure and answering questions, like any good project manager: What is my purpose? Who is my client/audience? And finally, outline the scope of the work and set timelines.
So I walked on the beach. I enjoyed the sun, the breeze, the fresh air, and the sound of the waves. And suddenly, it hit me — I had no purpose, I had no objective, and I certainly was not thinking about who I was doing it for. I was simply enjoying a walk on the beach.
As I was totally lost in the experience, I realized I had lost my landmark. The shoreline looks different in the opposite direction. I was lost. I had lost my objective. I had no plan. I was hopelessly lost and would never find my way back to the cottage. Nonsense. Of course, I would get back, eventually. You can’t get lost when you have no destination. I was merely taking a beach walk and enjoying the scenery, the sensations, and the air. Walk a little further and just enjoy. Of course, my landmark gazebo popped up out of nowhere, and I was back on the path to the cottage. My home for today.
So what was my objective with the beach walk? To enjoy the moment. To revel in the senses. To breathe and ultimately relax.
And so I solved my problem. My project is to enjoy the creative moments without worrying about the objective, the audience, and the outcome. Just do it for the love of doing it – like walking on the beach. Eventually, you will find home.
Enjoy.
Rituals
We all have rituals. Some around events, holidays, and rites of passage. When do we find we must create new traditions?
I recall years ago when I picked up my grandson from daycare. We had regular “gramma dates.” He is, at this time, four years or so. He tells me he doesn’t want gramma dates anymore. I was devastated. We went to sushi, and he grabbed up plate after plate and said, “gramma, why are you crying?”
It was a difficult right of passage for me.
There comes a time when the rituals must change. Oh, there is still the Family Christmas Eve, but we no longer hang around for Santa in the morning. That’s time for new rituals with the kid’s immediate
family.
We all face times when the old rituals no longer work. The kids grow up. The grandkids grow up. Rituals change. This subject is very raw to me as I am trying to create new rituals to replace the old ones this weekend.
Before my grandchild was born, my family went to the Gorge to see Dave Mathews. As gramma, I held the baby, then the toddler. I made friends with the regulars. We went to Wilde Horse Campground, where I always felt accepted. I got hugs from the owners. Porta potties and sleeping in a tent was part of the scene. I loved it.
This year was different. For a lot of reasons, I was not included in the entourage. It hurt a lot at first, like when my grandkid told me he didn’t want more gramma dates.
Time to recalibrate.
Did I want to sleep in a tent and use porta-potties? Part of me says yes. Then I recognized I was hanging on to my youth. I am trying to create events from before.
I don’t want to get stuck in time. Time for a new ritual.
So here I am at a high-end lodge and spa. Lovely room with a fireplace and the sound of the falls. Luxuriate in fancy shower rituals, massage and soaking tubs on the schedule. I have achieved enough success so that I can afford these luxuries.
Yet I still fancy myself in a tent using a porta potty.
What rituals have you given up? What do you wish you could still do?
Contemplate that and share in the comments. I would love to know!
What to Do When Your Life Sucks
Do you ever have days when your life sucks? I don’t mean significant momentous tragic events like a health problem, serious relationship issues, or, God forbid, a car collision or other disaster. No, I mean just one of those days where you have what we may call the blahs, blues, ennui, the yuckies. Even though all evidence is to the contrary, you are convinced that at that very moment, your life sucks.
When your life sucks, you don’t post it on Facebook, no way. After all, Facebook is where you only put the good stuff. And herein lies the problem. We judge our lives by other people’s highlight reels. Your friends are posting only the good stuff. Don’t you think they have sucky days?
Someone recently told me I was her role model because I do many interesting, adventurous things. True, I did raft the Grand Canyon, cruised the Panama Canal, and went to China twice. That’s over a four or more year period. So on the average, I have one grand adventure every year or so. In between, there are plenty of sucky times. Don’t get me wrong, I have a pretty good life — I live in a nice place, have a respectable career that provides a decent living, have a family I love, and drive what my son-in-law calls an awesome car.
But there are those days that I can’t get myself out of the gloomies. On those days, I don’t want advice; I don’t want to cheer up. I just want to be morose and wallow. So in the interest of maintaining my friendships and professional reputation and probably just because I don’t want help, I go into hibernation mode. Maybe you have a better answer, but that’s what I do. Then I have a hot bath, go to bed early and start anew another day.
Of course, there is a lot of wisdom on how to get out of the gloomies. Exercise, go for a walk. Yeah, I’ll get around to that — tomorrow. Vitamins, yup. Call a friend? Are you kidding? I wouldn’t wish myself on my worst enemy when I am in one of those moods. TV and alcohol might seem soothing, but eventually, they only worsen self-loathing.
So what do I do? I go with it. Remember, this too shall pass.
That is one of the benefits of sageism (as opposed to ageism). You’ve seen this before and recognize the symptoms and patterns. Go with it.
One of my routines when I am having THAT kind of day, is a hot bath and an Oprah magazine. Usually, just the right article pops out for me. Today it was a Martha Beck column from the June 2013 issue:
“OMG, do you have any idea what you are missing right now? Have you checked Facebook in the last two minutes? If so, then you know that everyone (and by that, I mean everyone but you)_is out there rocking life. Your BFF (that is your former BFF) and her new BFF are trekking through Ladakh. Your college roommate has built an Internet empire. Your cousin is at a wacky costume party, LOL — no ROFL! Right now, everybody out there (except you) is whirling ravishingly through the good life! Together! in flash mobs! What R U doing?”
Beck calls this FOMO — Fear of Missing Out. She offers three strategies for combating FOMO:
1. Remember, most of it is based on a lie. Remember the photographer told them to smile. They are only posting the good parts.
2. Create a new FOMO — Fear Of Moving On — Realize that focusing on things you may be missing is just another way of resisting your own life, your own destiny
3. Stop! Just mentally stop!
Remember — don’t judge your life by someone else’s highlight reel. There will be days that your think your life sucks.
You know it doesn’t, really.
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Karin Quirk