Glamour, Vogue, W, Cosmopolitan, Savvy.  We expected it of them.  But MORE — the magazine for mature women?   They all do fashion and makeup articles for looking good at any age.

Really?  ANY age?

Rarely do they even go to 60.  As the baby boomers are now in their sixties we should expect differently.  But do we really need their advice anyway?  You know what looks good don’t you?   What looks good is self confidence, good posture and a certain attitude.  Eat your veggies, wear sunscreen and smile.  Bah humbug!  I know very nice women who do that and are really very lovely but,  let’s face it, they do look OLD.    You are comfortable with your age and you have the attitude and so-called “inner beauty”.  Can you do more to not look old?  Of course you can.

I’m a lawyer and I have no experience in style, make up or mental health counseling but I do have some observations and I read.  So here goes totally MY opinionated read on it.  You are free to ignore and choose to look frumpy.

MAKEUP

My observation is that older women go to two extremes:  Give up on makeup altogether or stay frozen in time.  Neither of you is making you fabulous.  While it is true that less is more as you get older that does not mean none.  Here are some ideas that I have either tried or read about:

The no makeup day

If you normally wear makeup, have a no makeup day.  Get used to facing the world in your natural state.  I recommend this only for a day in the woods or errands to the dry cleaner.  If you engage in professional activities this way, people will inevitably say you look tired or ask if you are alright.  Then you would have to admit you aren’t wearing any makeup which means you are admitting that you normally do wear makeup which is a secret we are supposed to keep.

The makeover

Take yourself to a department store makeup counter.  Best to do this on a slow week day when the clerk’s have more time for you.  Look around to a counter that seems to resonate with you.  You are not looking for the most trendy with runway looks.  The old stodgy brands are probably best choice here.  I happen to like Bobbi Brown as her approach speaks to me.  Some stores have makeup artists that supposedly work across all lines but I haven’t tried that.  Ask for a makeover.

Don’t panic, it’s OK to not buy anything but I believe out of courtesy you should at least buy a lipstick or mascara.  Unless you really do need it, skip the skin care spiel.  You are looking for the superficial, not the inner glow.  You want makeup.  Say it.

Now, breathe and remain open minded.  This person who is probably younger than your own children is your current expert.   Let this woman (or perhaps man) know that you do want a minimalist look you can wear every day. If you have ever watched “What Not to Wear” you know what I am talking about – think Carmody.

It is OK to say that you need to wear your new look around for a while before you buy anything but I bet you are going to love a couple of items.  You might be able to duplicate this at the drug store but in my experience, I spent more money buying the wrong thing cheaper.  Go ahead splurge.

If you absolutely hate it, you can try another store on another day but if you keep getting the same results you hate you are probably in a time warp and it really is time to change your look.

One more thing:  I know there are on-line sites where you can order out of stock colors.  DON”T.  There is a reason those colors are no longer at the counter.  Love That Red must be banished from your makeup table.

HAIR

I thought it was just me.  I have the worst hair.  Thin, stringy which takes on the look of an old fashioned permanent in the rain.  I finally found a hairdresser that gets me and I have learned a lot from him.  What I’m talking about here, however, is not looking old and that means a few simple rules.

There are no rules

First rule is that there are no rules.  Long hair, short hair, curly, gray, blonde etc. etc. can all look great or can look frumpy.  The point is do you look as vital and fabulous as you can.  Remember, we are not trying to fool anyone or look younger.  So here in my opinionated way, are my rules.

Have you changed your hair in the last five years?  Please do.  There is no such thing as “classic” that never changes.  Audrey Hepburn, Mary Tyler Moore,  Princess Grace, Jackie Kennedy – all classic ladies changed their hair as they got older.  All stayed fabulous.

To color or not to color?  That is your choice but I have observed that most hair color needs some enhancement.  Is it shiny and healthy looking?  That’s what you are looking for.  A good hairdresser is worth his weight in gold.  You can improve your natural color, add some highlights or “cover the gray”.   Your skin color changes over the years and your hair color can help you look better.

Here are some ideas to keep you from looking old and frumpy:

Consider

If you participated in the summer of love and have not changed your hair, you should.

If your hair is so long you must always pin it up in some way, you will be amazed at how good you can look with freer hair.

Home hair coloring can really look old and frumpy.  This is where you must get professional help.  Really.  Take a look around you in a crowd.  I bet you can recognize the drug store hair color.

Don’t get me started on “permanents”.  It does not cover your thinning hair or enhance your appearance.  Ask your hairdresser to be honest with you and not just give you what you have always asked for.

You can be too blonde.  Even in southern California.

OK, you really don’t give a damn but do you have to look that way?

AND THE MESSAGE IS . . .

So the message about hair is the same as makeup – Find the balance between too much and too little, get professional help, and don’t be afraid of change.

Next:  Fashion, technology, manners for the truly modern mature woman. 

Six months ago I started this blog with the idea of memorializing my countdown to the end of my sixties.  I added one more post shortly after the first when I found my mentor and writing coach had pushed me out of the nest by publishing my post to her 800 nearest and dearest.  Then there are two drafts that will probably never see the light.  I did take my big adventure but did not report.  (But I will, promise.  The pictures are fantastic and I did keep a journal of sorts.  Now, here we are:

NO LONGER SIXTY

Yup, today is my 70th birthday.  My daughter posted an event on Facebook for my “milestone birthday” and I am amused by the number of folks who say “You aren’t sixty, are you?”   Well, no, I am not 60.  Now what?

I am not a triathlete and while I did recently rejoin a gym, I am not all that into exercise and physical challenges.  I work out, no longer to fit into a size six, but to fit into anything at all and stay above ground.  So you probably won’t be reading about me in Shape Magazine.

I would like to make a list of things I still want to do but find myself facing a longer list of things I will probably never do.  Not that I can’t — I don’t believe in limiting myself by age, just frankly, don’t want to do and can now comfortably say I won’t.  Not on my list.   Actually, I like that idea of a list of things I probably never will do:

•        Fly an airplane
•        Jump out of an airplane
•        Get another college degree
•        Have another baby
•        Climb Mt. Rainier
•        Learn French, or Mandarin
•        Run a marathon
•        Have every single room in my house de-cluttered  (I want to but let’s be real)
•        To be continued

But there is time

Still remaining on the list are career goals, business plans, so-called self-improvement projects.  There is a book or two in my future and I would like to set up one big adventure a year.

The Big Adventure 

The big adventure this year was a two week trip down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon.  It was a challenge physically, financially and a challenge to leave my business for almost three weeks.  It was so well worth it and I will be posting and sharing pictures.  Promise.  I love how many people tell me that trip is on their bucket list.  I hope to encourage others to make that trip.

Celebrate the day

Today is about celebrating the day with my friends.   I love when my many circles come together.  I notice at memorial services that often the decedent had several circles of friends and acquaintances that had never met each other.  I want to remedy that while I am still alive.  It is one of my talents — bringing people together.

Stay tuned

My commitment now is to continue with my goals.  Meet my challenges and to write about them on a regular basis.  I hope you want to come along for the ride.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.  So they say.  What do they know anyway? It usually takes a good friend to push you into the water, or off the couch.  I have just had a friend give me that push.  I have been outed.

For some time I have been tinkering around with having a blog that was just about me and my rambling thoughts.  For months this blog only lived in my mind.  Some evenings with the help of a nice glass of red wine, I would actually write something merely as a Word document with the intent of doing something with it.  But I never did.  In Vino Veritas.  But it never got any further than that.

Mind you I have been writing professionally as a lawyer.  (Divorce, if you didn’t know)   A few years ago I wrote a column for a small local newspaper. It was pretty much oriented around getting the attention of prospective clients.  It did actually attract clients but also got a lot of comments.  My columns were about divorce and how to do it with dignity and respect.  Once at a party a man told me he wished he were married so he could get divorced and use my services.  Really?  He wasn’t flirting.   I’m too old to be flirted with.

The newspaper stopped publishing so with the help of my webmaster I began writing a blog that was attached to my web site.  It was all designed and formatted for me.   I just had to add content.  And I did.  For a while.  Then I got lazy and had “guest bloggers”, people I know who have a service to offer people getting a divorce.  Even more lazy, I merely copied other blogs and reposted them.  Folks appreciated the extra visibility.  But I wasn’t writing.  The most I did was recycle old articles and blogs.  Hey, they were my most popular, it had been five years and they were still relevant.   After all, the important thing is to freshen the content, isn’t it?

I then joined a bloggers support group, took a writing class, and another writers’ support group.  I wrote in class and I loved it.  I still wasn’t blogging.  I did spend several days writing copy for my web site blog.  I now have a back log of several articles.  I will add them to the blog.  I will right after I post all the guest blogs I’ve received.  I don’t want to compete with my guest bloggers, after all.

What was really coming through for me was that I wanted to write something personal about me.  My random thoughts.  My views on life and especially the prospect of getting older without having very many role models of how to do that.  Everything I was reading about aging was either women having a crisis about turning 40 for god’s sake, or dry articles that belonged in the AARP’s Modern Maturity.   You know, the importance of having long term insurance or why you should take glucosomine for your arthritis.  If I were going to truly be authentic, I would have to go public with my age, which, as a woman, I was societally trained never to do.  Tell them I’m almost 70?  Could I do that?  Maybe when I am way beyond seventy.  After all, I was barely admitting that I was on Medicare.

The writer’s support group was a big help.  In addition to encouragement, I was getting lots of technical advice. I learned that the best platform for me is WordPress.  Took me about a month to look for the site and another month to actually sign up.  Then in another month I realized that the original URL and title were all wrong.  One day my support group led me to “Not Your Grandmother’s 70”.  Wow.  That clicked.  I could really do this.

Now the next impediment, was that I needed a writing room.  Of course I did.  My office PC, the iPad on the couch and the laptop on the dining room table just wouldn’t do.  I needed a real desk and writing room.

So my friend Deborah volunteered to help me clean up the upstairs den I called the “room of horrors”.  It contained boxes of every hobby I had ever started — photography, sewing, hand stamped cards and a bone yard of dead electronic equipment.  Deborah was ruthless.  Out it went.  My great IT guy, Neal, excitedly took away the electronics.  (I’m kind of an electronics junkie and I had years of old music systems, printers and even Direct TV boxes I was no longer using).  A little rearranging, a few cute boxes for remaining clutter, and rearranging the layout of the room for feng shui purposes, and I had a writing room.  Now would I write?  Oh, and a new keyboard and monitor.  Need a BIG monitor to actually write.  Don’t you?

Finally late in the evening I found the right “theme” on WordPress that had a look I liked and seemed technically manageable and I wrote.  And wrote.  I then discovered I could add pictures and found a picture of me at about a year old.  Cute.  Gives it a certain charm.  I previewed the post and thought it was at least a good start.

Then the fateful step.  I wanted to send the post to Deborah for her review.  But not just content, the whole look.   I took the drastic step of actually hitting “publish”.  There it was!  My first blog post.  The technical doohickies were still missing but it was an actual post with an actual web address.  At 1:30 a.m. without further thought, I sent the link to Deborah.

She outed me!  The next morning I was mortified to see my post, with the picture of the petulant one year old, right there on Facebook.  Going to 500 of Deborah’s nearest and dearest.  Suddenly others were commenting on it.  OMG, I am a blogger now.

I put my toe in the water, got pushed into the deep end and now I have to actually swim on my own.

Yup.  You may feel the fear but it takes a friend to actually push you off the dock.  Thank you Deborah.